Oh, so this is what a starting salary looks like…
1. “Need” and “want” are two very different things.
The “First United Bank of Mom and Dad” has closed.
2. You’re handed this massive bill WITH your diploma.
3. Knowing how to cook is more important than knowing what the best restaurant around is.
BECAUSE YOU ARE POOR.
4. Apartment hunting means making major sacrifices.
So for this price, I have to choose between having a dishwasher or living in a semi-decent area. DAMNIT.
5. 99.9% of the time you can’t be picky when it comes to your first job.
Just getting a job makes you #blessed.
6. Grocery shopping is actually a challenge, and you wish there was a class on it in college.
*walks into grocery store and cries from the overwhelming amount of food you don’t know how to cook*
7. Sitting home on a Friday night with Netflix and a glass of wine is more fun than going out and spending your paycheck.
I DON’T HAVE TIME TO BE HUNGOVER.
8. Your parents will become your best friends, because all you do is call them to ask how to be an adult.
*Calls mom and dad. Marvels at how they got through life.*
9. And getting in bed by 10:30 is the best feeling in the world after a full day of work.
*GRANDMA ALERT* It just feels SO GOOD.
10. You thought Girls was fiction, but it is way more true to life than you’re comfortable with.
It’s a love/hate relationship.
11. Work isn’t too different from school.
Oh, I still have soul-crushing deadlines?
12. Just because you didn’t meet “the one” in college, doesn’t mean you missed your opportunity.
But your twenties are for you, right? RIGHT?!
13. “I dont know” will be the most important weapon in your arsenal.
Like a good condiment, you use it with everything.
14. Hearing, “Your twenties are the best years of your life” makes you feel like you’re doing something wrong.
Still waiting for the anxiety to go away.
15. Having nights of tear-inducing nostalgia about college is common and normal, but doesn’t mean that the best is over.
“BUT I WAS SOMEBODY.”
16. The only thing that gets you through your 9 to 5 workday is coffee, even if you weren’t a coffee drinker before.
It’s really your best friend at the office.
17. The aging process rapidly speeds up after 21.
Where did all these wrinkles come from?
18. And your metabolism will suddenly slow down.
Sitting down all day is really a problem.
19. Every time you break something in your apartment, you feel it’s a sign that you don’t know how to be an adult.
WHERE IS THE INSTRUCTION MANUAL ON LIFE?
20. Office parties are way more awkward than college parties, because everybody seems like they’re in their own comfortable clique.
Where’s the alcohol?
21. Being post-grad does not mean you know what you want out of life.
22. It will feel like everyone has their shit together, but in reality you’re all in the same twentysomething limbo.
LIVE IT UP.