“My job: to terrify kids.”
1. On apps:
2. On buying his books:
3. On talking about the weather:
5. On Zombie Halloween:
6. On Kickstarter:
Thank you all for joining my Kickstarter. Only $1 away from buying me a cheeseburger deluxe for lunch. You’re the best!
7. On John Travolta:
8. On Blockbuster:
I sold all my Bitcoins. Too risky. Am investing all my money in the wave of the future–Blockbuster stores.
9. On his grandson:
Please don’t look at this pic of my grandson Dylan Stine. We want to respect his privacy.
10. On living abroad:
11. On Valentine’s Day:
Where do I get my fresh Valentines hearts? At the police morgue in the Village. (You have to know someone.)
12. On children:
13. On his birthday:
So, what are you all doing for my birthday on Wednesday? Don’t go to any trouble.
14. On Canada:
My books here in Calgary are translated into Canadian, I think. Hope I can read them.
15. On New Year’s resolutions:
I can’t decide whether my New Years resolution to be more decisive is a good idea or not.
16. On animal videos:
Does anyone know where I can find some cute animal videos? Doctor says I need to throw up this morning.
17. On technology:
My Palm Pilot is acting strange and won’t let me access my Friendster account. Any suggestions?
18. On Simon Cowell:
A British woman says she is allergic to Simon Cowell. She says any glimpse of him causes chest pain, cold sweats, & vomiting. #youtoo?
19. On the Goosebumps movie:
Release of the Goosebumps movie has been moved up from March, 2016 to August, 2015. Please don’t start standing in line yet.
20. On the Jets:
Question: Should I keep watching the Jets week after week, or should I shove two pencils through my nostrils into my brain?